Someone once asked me, “Why don’t you have a man?”
I laughed. “I do, actually.”
He kept prying, so I snapped. “If you don’t want to help, move on. You don’t get the right to interrogate me just because I’m asking for something. If you intend to give, do it quietly. If not, do that quietly too.”
I “fly a sign,” or panhandle, to make quick cash for drugs. I’m going to explain the exact toll that takes — my view from this side of the light. Let’s start with your first question: Do we spend it on drugs?
Yes, the majority of it.
No one I knew flew a sign for any other reason. Sure, we bought food sometimes, maybe clothing. I bought several phones over the years. But most of the money went to drugs and alcohol.
Don’t let that stop you from giving. In a strange way, it can cut down on crime in your community. The person you see at the intersection may be trying to survive the only way they know how at that moment. Without a few dollars from strangers, desperation can push people toward worse choices.
It’s almost impossible to maintain identification when you’re homeless. Our belongings are stored out in the open and get stolen all the time. Without ID, most jobs, housing, and services are out of reach. Flying a sign doesn’t require any of that.
We can’t shower regularly, wash clothes, clothing, camping gear, beauty products, and food.
My favorite things were the bags people put together specifically for the homeless. Those usually included hygiene items, snacks, socks, hats, gloves, hand warmers — things that made surviving the day or night a little easier.
It’s quick, easy money — but at what cost? You never hold your head up while doing it. The looks I got were heartbreaking, sometimes infuriating. You have to grow thick skin just to stand there.
And it isn’t just humiliating — it can be dangerous. Panhandling angers people more than you might think. There’s always the risk that someone will yell, threaten you, or worse. Then there’s the constant police harassment. Officers used to pull up and run my name, hoping I had a warrant.
Next time you see someone panhandling, remember — at least they aren’t committing bank robbery.
It’s not always quick, easy cash. I’ve stood for hours and made only a few dollars, and I’ve made over a hundred in less than an hour. It’s hit or miss — another reason I’m choosing to stick with writing.
But the best part isn’t always the money. It’s the thought that someone chose to give it. That moment of being seen. And money isn’t all you receive out there. I’ve been given blankets, clothing, camping gear, beauty products, and food.
My favorite things were the bags people put together specifically for the homeless. Those usually included hygiene items, snacks, socks, hats, gloves, hand warmers — things that made surviving the day or night a little easier.
The next time you’re faced with the choice, do this: give if you can, but never put yourself at risk to help someone else. If you give, be grateful that you are able to do it — because one day, you might be the one forced to ask for help, and you’ll want the answer to be yes.
If you truly believe nobody should ever have to help anyone else, then smile and drive on. But know this: people’s smiles carried me far more than their cash ever did.
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